I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them.
(Reblogged from thecatsfootiepajamas)
(Reblogged from neutrois)
(Reblogged from its-an-infp-thing)

justinusing said: I've read your post about Fe influence and have a question - how do you really know that you really Fi dominant? See, I have the same problem with possitive Fe reaction, but I think I am also Fi dominant. How did you get to know for certane that you are not Fe user? I'm really strugling with this. Sorry for mistakes :)

That’s a great question. While I don’t have a detailed answer on Fi, I can give my own reasons as to why I know I utilize it so much. (As for typing myself, I actually found out I was INFP because I tend to match the descriptions like %100. Learning and trying to sort out the cognitive functions came later for me, so my journey to typing was pretty straightforward. But I know that’s not the same case for everyone.)

I know I’m Fi dominant because when I do something that is not true to myself, I get depressed, moody, and anxious.

If I have to say, do, or be something that goes against what I believe or value, or if I sacrifice my opinion because I want to preserve relationship or peace, I become unhappy. Because, to me, it’s like turning my back on myself. I chose peace instead of standing up for my needs or wants.

Fe will choose peace or the relationship instead of the self because that’s what it needs. Fe finds personal value in the relationship. Fi finds personal value in the self.

Cultivating both—the ability to stand up for one’s own needs and wants, and the ability to set aside the self for the sake of others—are necessary for a healthy individual.

Being Fi dominant gives me a lot of access to the power of being able to stand up for myself. It’s really easy to stand up for causes that I feel strongly about. If someone were to bash my favorite humanitarian group, I wouldn’t care who they were—I would defend what I feel strongly about.

However, as a woman, and as a Christian, I’ve been taught all my life to sacrifice myself for others. To not be “selfish.” To put others before myself. So I learned to use Fe, but because I am not Fe dominant, I get no energy or satisfaction from catering to it. So I’m left with this thought: “If I’m doing everything right, and putting others before myself, why am I so miserable?”

I’ve found a lot of freedom in learning to love myself before I love my neighbor. I have to know how to hear myself clearly before I can hear others at all. And taking care of my needs gives me a lot of energy, so that I become able to help others without running on fumes. Without becoming resentful.

Using Fi correctly, however, kind of needs to be learned. Fe dominant people are more prone to pick up Fi later in their life. For example, my mother, who is an ISFJ (Si, Fe), is beginning to utilize her Fi in her workplace to stand up for herself, her wants, and desires. Before, she desired job security. Now that she’s picked up years and training, she wants to be recognized for her work and compensated for her increasing duties.

For Fi dominant people, we need to be told that it’s okay to do what we naturally want to do. For me, picking up Harriet Lerner’s The Dance of Anger has helped in listening to my anger, and hearing its message. I’ve also been trying to learn the practice of mindfulness to listen to my body and what it might be saying.

Anyway. This kind of turned into a long post on more of my general thoughts and experiences of my Fi. Thanks for the question.


gurl is your mbti personality type INFP?

because u FiNe

(Reblogged from onbeinganinfp)

ENFP Understandings: Flutter On By (7)


It’s been often noted that Ne doms are generally the most common type to face difficulty in actually find this type. I know that I “embodied” different personality types when I was searching to find my type. For me:


Why is this? Why do we flutter between different types? Quite simple actually: we are much more prone to see ourselves in the descriptions than other types. As I explained in this post, we generally accept that which we are told is true. Most people do this, yes. But as we have Te and are extraverted perceiving dominants, we’re much more inclined to absorb the opinions of those who surround us. 

See, when we’re reading the descriptions for type X, we see all these words that might mean something to us. Careful, loyal, respecting. However, because of our cognition, we’re going to be more inclined to accept words that might not fully encapsulate us. Words are loose in meaning—especially to the ENFP. Typically, without a strong reaction or aversion to a certain characteristic, we will likely accept that understanding as true.

Whatever though. I’ve always liked being adaptable.

Intriguing. Do you feel that you kind of adapt your personality to the same as those that surround you? I’ve been going through your blog and it’s been really insightful. I have a male friend who first tested as ENFP, but I could never quite figure out what he was. Learning that ENFPs are this adaptable, it totally makes sense now. But I was wondering if you could elaborate a little more on ENFP adaptability so I can improve my understanding.

Despite the fact that I like to talk about cognitive functions, I really don’t know too much. I’m learning that stacking makes a huge difference, and that’s why, even though NFPs and STJs have the same functions, they are completely different types. As an INFP, I sometimes wonder what exactly the differences between the two NFP types are, since we both have the same functions, but in different orders. I suppose my dominant Fi and filter of tertiary Si before Te made it a lot easier for me to realize I was INFP and stick with that, despite the fact that I might share characteristics with other types.

(Reblogged from myersandbriggs)

thisisgoodfforrnow said: reading through some of your posts we sound really similar. it's been a mess being aggressive/overreacting years ago to feeling lost/lonely/shut down the last year or two and not knowing how to deal with it, especially when it all felt tied to my family, and being an infp type made this all feel crazy. I was glad to read you were talking to someone about it all and learning to be there for you. I hope you are doing well :)

Hey, thanks very much :) It’s always good to find someone who can relate. Honestly, going to counseling has been the best thing I could have possibly done, and as the months go on, the more I learn about myself and the more I heal. Best wishes to you as well.

sunhasrisen said: Hi! What's a love relationship between INFP and INTP like, do you think? Thanks!

Their secondary Ne is a great connecting point. Being that they both pick up similar information because Ne and Si are the same places in stacking, they can be “on the same page” as it were—however, because of the Fi/Ti difference, there’s a larger difference on what they actually do with their information. From this blog post, “He [INFP] directly wants to improve the human condition. I [INTP] would rather focus my energy on improving my condition.” http://intp-infp.tumblr.com/post/73765196687/random-observations

Great questions have been asked to that blog more specifically about relationships, so I’d highly recommend checking it out! :)

Fe Revisited

It’s been a little more than a year since I wrote some thoughts in a post simply titled “Fe” (http://infpfishoutofwater.tumblr.com/day/2013/04/17). I still struggle with Fe in some ways, but recently have had a huge revelation about it, and my Ne calls me to deal with this more properly in a more extroverted manner. Thus, sharing my thoughts with the internet at large.

I realized that I am in some ways codependent with Fe when it comes to my personal validation. If Fe does not respond well, I feel horrible.

It started as this. My mother, an ISFJ, uses Fe as her secondary function. Fe is a very nurturing feeling, and I have a fantastic mother. When I would do or say something good, Fe would respond enthusiastically. If I said or did something not so right, Fe would… do nothing. My mom would give me a look. Not respond. Go cold. And that always left me grasping and in a panic, because I can’t interpret silent Fe signals.

So this is the message I grew up with: If someone responds, I’m good! If someone doesn’t respond, I’m bad.

This left no room for criticism. I never received criticism so I didn’t have a place to put it for years and would panic if anyone ever disagreed with me over anything. That part of my functions would drop out and I would go straight to Si and Te in a panic. I had to make my world right, put it in a box in a way I could handle. Fortunately, writing and art classes helped me deal with criticism in a safe environment, and there I began to realize that when people would criticize my work, they actually cared about my work. They believed in me enough to help me to get better.

But still, I have a broken system. Throughout my teenage years I went through a couple of phases in regards to showing my art and writing to people. Showing it to my mom was something I have never been able to do. Joining an art website like Deviantart helped me improve a lot technically, but I would have very strong emotions and anxiety about posting art. I remember getting to a point that I would only create art to post on the website, and wasn’t really drawing for myself. So that’s when I stopped posting my art to a big community and found smaller art communities. And when I say “art” I’m talking about both drawings and writings that I’ve done.

For the past several years I’ve been very conservative in what I’ve posted online. To be sure, I got a little (a lot) paranoid about having my work on the internet when I did a lot of research for a novel about internet tracking and the such, but my aversion to posting anything went even deeper.

I updated my social media sites very little. I cancelled most of them. I stopped talking. I shut up. Because I wasn’t getting the responses I wanted, and I had no way to mediate between simply expressing myself and trying to get validation.

Because, after all, if no one likes or comments on my Facebook post, or my recent art work gets ignored, that means no one liked it, read it, cared. Therefore, it is worthless. Right?

I’ve been so broken in this way. I would post something brilliant, and get a smaller response than I wanted, then feel shamed. There was someone’s signature I read once that described me, and it read, “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” Because that’s exactly what I would do. Anything I would present to the world that got anything other than a positive Fe reaction would shame me.

Now I can see much of what my struggle has been for all of these years. I’ve been conditioned that a positive Fe reaction is all that matters. I love people with dominant Fe. People with Fe are open and welcoming, and I know that it is so willing to give validation and comfort. So I am attracted to Fe because of its warmth.

But I’ve been depending on Fe to give me everything. I’ve never developed a scope for what a silent reaction might mean. How do I learn to interpret a positive reaction from an STJ? They will not respond with Fe. I’ve been met with silence or no reaction, yet I’ve learned that and STJ will listen to and remember my message. And it may be analyzed rather than felt. I don’t have a scope for that. I don’t have a scope for any other reaction, and it’s very difficult to learn communication styles of other functions. I certainly know that I, as an Fi dominant, have great emotions about things, where I love something or someone so much, but when I go to express such things, I tone it down a lot. I don’t actually like expressing the whole scope of my feelings and good will. It is very difficult for me to express the depths of my feelings because they’re inside me. And I’m not always convinced the public at large will have a container suitable for them.

So if I can feel so deeply and positively about things, but maintain a stoic countenance about it, then certainly a lack of Fe enthusiasm does not equal a lack of worth.

I am learning to put borders around my work. I realized that my art and writing are my feelings, are the depths of my soul. And just as I don’t share all my emotions with, neither am I obligated to show my work to them. But I also know that to keep everything to myself would not be healthy, as there must be some form of extroversion for each introvert. In and out is healthier than stagnation. But what is it I must do to protect my sense of worth and well being? What is it that I’ve been mourning when Fe does not come to my rescue? From my readings, my next step is to identify what it is that I’m craving, and to satisfy the need. Do I need validation? I must validate myself. Art will need to become an expression of myself, where I am able to present it with no strings attached. There, one may love it, say nothing, or criticize it, but I will already have had my needs met. I must separate myself from the Fe of others, and let my own Fi be the only one to tell me that who I am and what I have done is valuable, enough, and human. Because my self-worth will only come from myself, and it is then that I must truly believe that I am inherently worthy because God has made it that way.

Saving the World as an INFP

I’ve been watching a lot of super hero movies lately and just wanted to put down some thoughts. I don’t actually really like super hero movies too much. The narrative style is typically dull and predictable, with characters that I can’t really relate with. But the good guy always wins, and my Fi and Te really appreciate that.

One thing I’ve been learning in the past year or so is that I’m not an Extroverted Sensor. And I need to stop trying to be one. It creeps in, and I get things I want to do that are Se-like. Like going camping, or running a mile, or hanging out with athletes. These haven’t gone too well for me in the end. I didn’t really get what I wanted. I want to live in the moment, but I don’t realize until I’m there how exhausting it is. It’s the NF idealism that makes it look like I’ll enjoy it.

My Si as far as physicality goes isn’t very developed. I have no filter for physical pain, and I don’t really know what to do with my Si. So I pick up Se instead, because extroverted functions are easier to understand. And this is a problem, because it’s a shadow function, and I really am terrible with my shadow functions. I hope this means that perhaps I’m trying to move into a space where I use Si better, but I’ve made a lot of mistakes going about it.

Part of my deal is, like a lot of INFPs, I just want to help people and basically save the world. Watching these super hero movies has helped me to see why I’m coming up against these barriers. I realized that our super heroes use a tremendous amount of Se to do all their heroics. It’s masculine power by way of Se, being in the moment. It’s forcing. Many times it’s the end justifying the means. And this is the only example I have of how to save the world. You physically force the world to be saved.

And I’ve been grieved that I can’t do that. I’m not very physically coordinated, I don’t have Se to physically save the world or Ti to be a “super genius”. So I don’t have any example of how I can play my part.

I was watching this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_OQkMjGvjc) about INFPs not wanting to be their types. Unfortunately, the creator didn’t really get to her point and I can’t find a follow-up video, but I’ve noticed at various times we are put below other types. People don’t understand Introverted Feeling, so they throw it out the window. It’s not practical. It’s not easy to understand. Therefore, it’s not valuable.

Jung had the concept of the Shadow as well, and this is why we have shadow functions. It’s what we disdain about ourselves—and the problem is, we project it onto others instead of integrating it and accepting it into our lives. Women bear the feminine shadow of men. Men bear the masculine shadow of women. Children bear the shadow of their parents. Deviants bear the shadow of their culture.

And as INFPs, we bear the shadow of Western culture. Specifically, I bear the shadow of American Culture. Being introverted is selfish. Being intuitive is impractical. Emotions are useless. And perceiving is inaction. This is the description of the shadow, the negative part of the culture that I bear.

Being told that all the aspects of my personality are wrong, why wouldn’t I not want to be INFP? Why wouldn’t I rather be something else? I can see why we struggle so much as INFPs. And I can see why I’m trying to use Se. I want to be seen and respected and useful in the way that the culture perceives it, like super heroes.

But I can’t do it that way. I’m literally not capable of doing it. When I try, I become depressed and discouraged. Is there a way to live as an INFP in this culture, or must I movie to India?

I’ll never be a super hero with physical prowess or a genius who can read the enemy. I have this “useless” power that lets me know what my values are. It’s not very practical. But I wonder if other types took more time to understand their personal values, I wouldn’t have to do it for everyone. I wouldn’t have to do it so intensely. Because if we don’t have feeling, then we have barbarism. The person who doesn’t feel is an animal.

I appreciated this article (http://mbti-in-fiction.tumblr.com/post/31202923276/agent-phil-coulson) about Agent Phil Coulson from the Marvel movies, typing him as an INFP, and I like the reasons given. He’s not one of the super heroes. You could probably even write him out of the script and still make the box office. But they didn’t. He’s a part of the movies that would feel lacking, and no one would quite be able to figure out why.