ISTPs: How do you express affection?

This is mainly for ISTPs searching their own tag: for you, hello, I’m an INFP, and I need your help.

For the rest of my INFP or other MBTI friends, you can tag along. I’ll likely be writing more on this at a later time.

ISTPs: I need help in understanding you. My father is an ISTP and I just gave our cognitive functions a good look—and realized that we operate on the exact reverse of each others. The INFP runs on the ISTPs shadow functions, and vice versa.

How do you express affection and/or love? I ask this as an INFP daughter trying to figure out how her ISTP father is expressing love and affection. He tells me he loves me—this is very direct and low-context. As an INFP, I function on a different level, and I’m just beginning to realize that this might actually be the epitome of affection from him.

I understand that most of the people reading this are likely not even parents, but I would be grateful for any kind of feedback you might be able to give me.

MBTI and Spiritual Style


I’m curious how MBTI type can influence religious/ spiritual preferences. I am also curious which methods end up being most fulfilling for each type. I would love to hear observations and thoughts from other types. Keep in mind I was raised Catholic, so a lot of what I say will be based on that (although I do my own thing now…) 

Generational differences will have a significant impact. Most people become more religious as they age. In addition, Millenials are the least religious generation ever. Millenials will skew to the atheist/agnostic and spiritual but not religious. These will be seen to a smaller extent in generation X. Trends will also vary by culture. My observations are based on the North East/ Mid-Atlantic of the US.

I think that P vs J will be the most influential on this topic. Ps will usually be less committed to one religion than Js. Ps will on average go to church less often or be “spiritual but not religious”. Js will more often display commitment to one religion (or lack there of). 


SPs tend to take a more relaxed approach to spirituality. A lot are members of a church but don’t go quite as regularly. I have noticed a lot of SFPs are very spiritual, but it often comes out in ways other than church. I have noticed a lot of ESTPs have a habit of being disruptive in church; by disruptive I mean entertaining.


SJs will be the most likely to stick with the traditional method of their culture. They are probably the least likely to ditch their religion. They are probably much better than others of actually going to church regularly and being on time. I have noticed a lot of highly involved parish members are SJs. A lot of the organizers of parish events, ushers, readers and eucharistic ministers are SJs. A lot of Sunday school teachers that deals with the kids during mass are SFJs.


NFs are on average the most spiritual of all temperaments. However, I think SJs are probably more religious. NFJs are more likely to stick with the religion they were raised in while NFPs are more likely to find their own path. NFs are going to be most likely to notice “signs”. NFs, especially NFPs will be the most “new agey”. By that I mean taking bits and pieces of various religions (leaning more towards Eastern ones), creating their own interpretations and probably sounding crazy to more traditional religious people. NFJs may do this as well, but I think they are more likely to belong to a church. 


NTs have the most atheists/ agnostics. NTJs will be more likely to be atheist, while NTPs will be more likely to be agnostic. NTs who are religious are more likely to study various religions. They will be more likely to try and figure our what is true. They will probably be less interested in spiritual practice. I don’t think a lot of NTs will belong to a religion and be entirely committed to it. NTs will also be more likely to try to keep their spiritual theories in line with the rest of their theories. They will try to explain it in a more scientific way than other types. 

Anyone have their own experience/ observations/ thoughts they would like to share?

INFP Christian female, also Millennial. I find this really quite interesting, and the description of the NPFs is fairly spot-on for me. While in one sense I identify as Christian, I do find Eastern and Native American religions fascinating. Lately I’ve been very interested in Contemplative Christianity, which does incorporate more of what might be classified as “new agey” although it is steeped in Christian tradition. Having grown up Protestant, it’s been learning more about the Catholic tradition and the old church fathers, mothers, and mystics, which the Protestant tradition doesn’t really teach. In a very real sense I’m finding my own path while not necessarily divorcing myself from Christianity and my religious social network, but I seek to make it something deeper than what my Protestant Christian upbringing gave me.

(Reblogged from femaleintp)

loveisaverb1221 asked: does the relationship match-up change if both are women? (INFP and ISTJ)

I’m no expert on the subject so I can only point you elsewhere—but I think I can say that considering every relationship is different, from gender to gender and from acquaintances to romantic partners, it’s safe to say that there are differences. I don’t have the research to tell you what they and can only point back to the article and encourage you to keep searching and ask this same question to other bloggers.

Asks and an update

I’ve set up a proper link on my main page to my ask box, so it should be easier to get to if anyone wants to chat. Anons are off, but if you’d like to chat privately, just mention that and I won’t publish it on my feed.

It’s been a while since I really posted anything. There’s been a lot going on in my personal life, and I’ve made great progress in my personal life in regards to my depression and confused thoughts. I’m not really sure what to post about.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of reading of other Jungian psychology, particularly inner work, such as dealing with the shadow, doing dream work, and I have just started learning about Active Imagination. I may talk about some of this because it has been very interesting and helpful to me in my quest to understand myself and to make peace with reality.

If anyone has anything they’d like me to talk about, I’d be happy to look over the topic and give it my thoughts or opinions. Until then, I’ll post something when I have some thoughts together.

queenofprospit asked: Hey there, I just stumbled upon your blog after doing some research about ISTJ and INFP relationships. I recently entered into a very strange relationship with a male ISTJ, where we went on a few dates and couldn't communicate and after I broke it off he said he still wanted to get to know me. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that as an INFP a relate a lot to your posts and they're helping me understand myself and this ISTJ. Thank you a lot! It's hard to find INFPs who will write so much.

Hello! (Sorry for the late reply—I missed the notification and didn’t realize I had mail!) I’m glad you found those posts interesting! I think I mostly wrote them to try and understand the dynamics myself. And thank you for reading them! Sometimes I write so much that I wonder if anyone reads the long posts. I think the MBTI is a great tool for us to be very cognitive about our relationships and to help us know what we’re getting into with other people. Good luck in your journey!

shithiensays asked: I am so glad I found your Tumblr! You write well and I can relate to what you say. Thank you for doing what you do! -Another INFP

Hello! And thank you—you’re very kind. I’m glad what I’ve written helps you relate, because it helps me, too! And that reminds me… I actually haven’t posted anything too recently. Maybe I should change that, haha~

(Reblogged from myersandbriggs)
If you’re reading this, if there’s air in your lungs on this November day, then there is still hope for you. Your story is still going. And maybe some things are true for all of us. Perhaps we all relate to pain. Perhaps we all relate to fear and loss and questions. And perhaps we all deserve to be honest, all deserve whatever help we need. Our stories are all so many things: Heavy and light. Beautiful and difficult. Hopeful and uncertain. But our stories aren’t finished yet. There is still time, for things to heal and change and grow. There is still time to be surprised. We are still going, you and I. We are stories still going.
Jamie Tworkowski // Perfect.  (via seulray)

(Source: towearloveonhersleeve)

(Reblogged from wittyandcharming)

New Labels

I called myself an INFP the other day, and it felt strange.

I go in and out of thinking about Myers-Briggs. The concepts are fairly integrated to my normal daily life and I typically only classify things into one of the four letter categories—considering whether or not someone is extroverted or introverted, and if their decisions are based off of Sensing or not.

Otherwise I’m not labeling people. Or myself. At least not by the means of the MBTI.

I call myself other things now. I call myself Co-dependent and Abandoned.

Over the summer, I was introduced to the keyword “abandonment.” During a low time several weeks ago, I googled various keywords with abandonment and quickly came across this youtube video which described a psychological issue called abandonment. I was struck by how much the descriptions of overreactions were something I experienced often.

I used to call it PMS. I would overreact to something, have strong emotions, and call it being an INFP.

Having PMS and being an INFP are certainly contributing factors, but suddenly, these aren’t the reasons why I’m responding to life the way I do. It’s because I’ve been abandoned in my childhood.

And there’s been this huge sense of relief over my life.

Suffering from PMS and being an INFP aren’t really things I have much jurisdiction over. But I can heal from abandonment. I can address the issues, get them under control, and reach for a quality of life that I can control. I don’t have to overreact. I don’t have to be controlled by my deep emotions. I don’t have to be dependent on whether or not someone likes me. I can learn to like myself.

I needed to get back into talk therapy and was able to find free counseling with my college. I had to endure through the first three sessions and pull out all I knew of self-awareness to decide what I wanted from the sessions. And once my counselor and I were on the same page, we were able to begin to make some progress.

One hour a week is slow going, however. It’s incredibly difficult, knowing that I have these problems, but not really being able to address them immediately. Currently I’m dealing with being hyper-critical toward myself about my grades. I realized that I’d never treat anyone I care about as badly as I treat myself when it comes to grades. I am upset for only pulling a B instead of an A, and I feel like I am the victim of the world because I am not able to get that A grade. If I’m acting like the victim, who’s the abuser? Apparently I am both. The inner-child concept is a good way to illustrate this, as my inner child is lashing out and playing the victim role to a harsh adult who is demanding perfection for no good reason. How can you expect perfection from a child?

On one hand, it’s nice to know that I’m not crazy, and that my problems have ways to deal with them. But the process to get healing has been painstakingly slow, and it may be a while yet before the reactions ease up. I suppose I must struggle through the Slough of Despond, before Help pulls me from the mire, and I can continue on.


I attended a lecture by a woman in her mid-twenties who has made it big in the journalism industry. The talk was supposed to be really inspiring for College PR/Journalism hopefuls, and while I attended because I’m simply good at writing, I have no desire to go into journalism.

She gave the whole, “With enough hard work and perseverance you can do anything!!!” speeches. And did admit she’s a work-a-holic.

And I’m sitting there about as confused as I’ve ever been in my life. How do you do it? How do work-a-holics do it? It’s a complete mystery to me. I can rarely motivate myself to do things I enjoy, much less work.

I left the lecture feeling less than inspired, but I at least had these comparison thoughts bouncing around in my head. Learning how other people live is fascinating to me.

But I am again disappointed. These are just more fields where you’ll never “make it” unless you’re extremely competitive and okay with rejection. Art has become a competitive field. There are many creative things I’d like to do, but I know that it’s not even worth it for me to try because I don’t have a competitive bone in my body. Competition is demotivating to me. If I’m doing something I feel okay about, and someone is there to compete with me, unless I know I can beat them (which is rare), I lose all drive. My energy level drops into the ground and out of my body. Add this to my already-low self-esteem, and I just stop completely.

So on a typical day, I don’t feel like I’m able to accomplish anything.

I think I know why, though. And I think I know a way to bring to turn this around. Because it would be nice to believe in myself for once. Then I wouldn’t always have this ache for someone to believe in me.

But that’s for next time.