justinusing said: I've read your post about Fe influence and have a question - how do you really know that you really Fi dominant? See, I have the same problem with possitive Fe reaction, but I think I am also Fi dominant. How did you get to know for certane that you are not Fe user? I'm really strugling with this. Sorry for mistakes :)
That’s a great question. While I don’t have a detailed answer on Fi, I can give my own reasons as to why I know I utilize it so much. (As for typing myself, I actually found out I was INFP because I tend to match the descriptions like %100. Learning and trying to sort out the cognitive functions came later for me, so my journey to typing was pretty straightforward. But I know that’s not the same case for everyone.)
I know I’m Fi dominant because when I do something that is not true to myself, I get depressed, moody, and anxious.
If I have to say, do, or be something that goes against what I believe or value, or if I sacrifice my opinion because I want to preserve relationship or peace, I become unhappy. Because, to me, it’s like turning my back on myself. I chose peace instead of standing up for my needs or wants.
Fe will choose peace or the relationship instead of the self because that’s what it needs. Fe finds personal value in the relationship. Fi finds personal value in the self.
Cultivating both—the ability to stand up for one’s own needs and wants, and the ability to set aside the self for the sake of others—are necessary for a healthy individual.
Being Fi dominant gives me a lot of access to the power of being able to stand up for myself. It’s really easy to stand up for causes that I feel strongly about. If someone were to bash my favorite humanitarian group, I wouldn’t care who they were—I would defend what I feel strongly about.
However, as a woman, and as a Christian, I’ve been taught all my life to sacrifice myself for others. To not be “selfish.” To put others before myself. So I learned to use Fe, but because I am not Fe dominant, I get no energy or satisfaction from catering to it. So I’m left with this thought: “If I’m doing everything right, and putting others before myself, why am I so miserable?”
I’ve found a lot of freedom in learning to love myself before I love my neighbor. I have to know how to hear myself clearly before I can hear others at all. And taking care of my needs gives me a lot of energy, so that I become able to help others without running on fumes. Without becoming resentful.
Using Fi correctly, however, kind of needs to be learned. Fe dominant people are more prone to pick up Fi later in their life. For example, my mother, who is an ISFJ (Si, Fe), is beginning to utilize her Fi in her workplace to stand up for herself, her wants, and desires. Before, she desired job security. Now that she’s picked up years and training, she wants to be recognized for her work and compensated for her increasing duties.
For Fi dominant people, we need to be told that it’s okay to do what we naturally want to do. For me, picking up Harriet Lerner’s The Dance of Anger has helped in listening to my anger, and hearing its message. I’ve also been trying to learn the practice of mindfulness to listen to my body and what it might be saying.
Anyway. This kind of turned into a long post on more of my general thoughts and experiences of my Fi. Thanks for the question.